#anyway everyone forget that phase happened bc i do and i regret it <3 it’s a lame show lol

[un-pearable]

i am fine admitting i have a shameful love of shitty crossover fic in which characters get to show up in media i like slightly less and then one-up all the characters there by being competent badasses in ways you don’t usually get to see bc in their normal universe you’re usually watching from said characters pov. but i absolutely loathe reincarnation fic with the same premise. no i do not want to read about midoriya izuku with sonic the hedgehog’s memories just give me sonic the hedgehog

[finnoky]

AU where Quirin takes and raises Eugene after the DK falls

•| Send me a potential AU and I’ll tell you five fun facts |•

Oh you have no idea how much this enables me - I stand by Quirin raising Eugene until the end of time bc it’s what they BOTH deserve

1) Oki so, here we see Eugene taken away as a baby without disclosing an EXACT location — that will not stop Quirin though, who had a stance against cutting him off completely despite it being Edmunds orders [It made sense to send the boy away but to send him to an ORPHANAGE was another story] Quirin finds Eugene a month or so after they get separated, during that time he found a house and a stable farm to raise a kid on [Gotta have an income] and then promptly goes to the orphanage and adopts Eugene.

By then, Eugene’s name has already been changed and frankly... Quirin thinks it suits him, though he occasionally slips up and calls him Horace. He feels a duty to raise the Prince but also kinda has a “My son now” mentality! Disagrees with Edmunds choices + decides... His kingdom is doomed, so he’s gonna ensure Eugene gets a stable upbringing with KNOWLEDGE of the Dark Kingdom without necessarily telling him “Oh BTW you’re the prince”. Being a father is hard and he struggles a lot, esp in early days, it’s a whole new challenge from being a knight but... Not one he really regrets?

Cue some fluff! Knight-dad trying to raise a baby and establish a life in a new country — Over time he grows and becomes Village Leader + Develops a bond with the monarchs based on his knowledge and previous high-rank in society from being a knight! Gets offered a guard position but turns it down in favour of spending time with his toddler son. Eugenes first word is Dada and Quirins never felt so content. Baby fluff of Eugenes milestones — Quirin has Eugene helping on the fields as soon as he can toddle without tripping (tho it’s mostly Eugene playing and running around while Quirin works) Toddler Eugene is a little darling and knows exactly how to use his cuteness to get praise and sweets

2) Eugene starts thievery / acting out soon after Quirin dates and marries Ulla, though it soon become a hobby he usually indulges in with his friend Arnie [though they take on the names of the coolest book characters Flynn Rider and Lance Strongbow!] Quirin thinks it’s just a phase and leans into the whole calling Eugene ‘Flynn’ because... He really loves the books, that’s not too odd? Though he doesn’t know of crimes + just thinks they go out to play a lot. Eugene ignored Ulla for the first few weeks because he doesn’t like the idea of someone new staying around — He doesn’t hate her, it just raises a lot of questions about his mum that Quirin doesn’t know how to answer... He resolved on the explaination that she was very sick and couldn’t take care of him anymore, though loved him dearly — it’s enough to placate him.

Eugene doubles down on stealing when he’s 10 and suddenly there’s gonna be a new baby in the house. [He doesn’t WANT a sibling + worries Quirin will love the baby more than him since he knows he’s adopted & all that though is too scared to ask] Eugene grows an attitude and Quirin finds himself exhausted and constantly caught in petty bickers as Eugene keeps running away + acting up, especially to his wife (Who loves Eugene very much, of course) ‘Flynn’ declares he wants to travel the world and be far away from step-mums and nasty babies, uhhh Domestic fall out stuff?

Things change when baby gets here and suddenly Eugene is a big brother and Quirin is MORE distracted, sometimes they forget to even read him a story and he can’t stand the squirmy little creature... All it does is cry and take what little attention his misbehaviour had earned him... So naturally, petty crime continues + Eugene starts caring less about getting caught, so it becomes more risky. He and Lance befriend some bad influences and start taking Big Kid Crime. It’s fun! Until Eugene is brought home by a guard and Quirin gives him the silent treatment for the next week. Quirin... He loves his sons, both of them, but he just isn’t sure how to handle a distressed 11 year old and a baby, it feels like there’s not enough hours in the day and Eugene is SET on making life harder for everyone.

Eugene stays against ‘Varian’, frequently makes the baby the villain in his games and makes him cry on several occasions. It gets even worse when he starts crawling bc now he can’t get anytime alone, it’s just frustrating! The solution probably comes when Varians starting to talk and he says ‘Oo-gee’ as one of his first words — ‘Lisa’s first word’ style — and Quirin and Ulla admit that Varian is obsessed with Eugene. It’s sorta a wake up call for Eugene to start trying to get along with the kid, and it works! He finds it fun to teach him things & have someone to talk to (even if he just babbles back) By the time Eugene is 12 he’s calling Ulla mum and love spending time with his little brother

3) Right! When Eugene is about 18 he picks up theiving again, mostly because he isn’t suited to the farm life and it’s easy money (Plus how else is he gonna achieve his dream of financial independence?) He moves out the farm under the guise of finding a new life with his best friend, though they quickly realise it’s not amazing when they get tangled up with the Baron + his antics. Eugene visits home every so often and claims everything is fine, it’s going great, he doesn’t need any extra help + his life is just dandy. His dishonesty mostly bc he doesn’t wanna worry Quirin and there’s been a bit of a strain since Ulla passed away.

Life keeps on like this. Eugene ages, steals alchemy supplies for Varian and hides his true income source because he wants to make Quirin and Varian proud! Varian grows up to be more headstrong in what he wants because he has someone standing up for him and telling him he’s proud, though the longer Eugene spends away the harder it gets? He loves it when Eugenes here! But the house feels empty without him, and Quirin is so busy + stressed from Varians experiments that there’s still that desire to do more, prove himself.

4) Movie diverts a bit! Eugene finds out about the hair glow and thinks... If one person knows about this then it’s him, and takes Rapunzel to Old Corona over night rather than a campfire. Varian is ecstatic to see him though gets confused by a random girl Eugene claims to have just found — He’s about to ask questions when Eugene asks if Varian could do his magic thing to find out about her hair. Varian insists it’s alchemy and agrees, dragging Raps down into the lab! Boop gothel talks to her when Varians gathering all the equipment and talks her ear off about how cool Eugene is and asks how they found each other since the story is weird... Experiements start!

Meanwhile Eugene is talking to Quirin, when Quirin pulls out a wanted poster and puts it on the table. He finally found out about how bad Eugenes crimes are and wants answers. Now. Eugene sits and tries to explain its not what it looks like, but Quirin doesn’t wanna hear it. The disappointment is evident and Quirin criticises “I thought you grew out of this, what role model is this for Varian?” Eugene doesn’t have an answer but argues his case that it was to be reliant — and he doesn’t wanna do it anymore anyway! Quirin accuses him of using the girl, while Eugene insists her name is Rapunzel and he’s just helping her, get the crown, be set for life and never have to bother him again.

Their argument is cut short by a Varian coming back upstairs looking frazzled, says there’s something about the magic that’s familiar but he can’t place it — sure is strong tho, and continues gushing and asking Eugene for all the details of what he’s been up to. Eugene... Explains, his usual light-hearted rendition of a great quest, while Quirin leaves and stays upstairs the rest of the night.

Varian sees them off in the morning! Hours after they’re gone Vari is still looking into the magic thing — that’s when he remembers the old legend about a sundrop... about how it saved the Queen... About the Princess. Varian sneaks out the house and heads up to the lantern festival to tell Eugene and Rapunzel his revelation, but he gets there just as Eugene is being lead away by guards. Varian finds Max and tells him how they need to free Eugene + basically... Helps him escape with fewer pub thugs and more alchemy. When they get to the tower Eugene tells Varian to stay on the floor and climbs up to help Raps - Varian stays at the bottom of the tower for approx 10 minutes before finding the back entrance and climbing up. Figure he gets there just as Gothel deages, it’s suddenly and before anyone knows it Varian is the one pushing her out the window bc he saw a stabbed Eugene and put two and two together. Then! Cue New Dream scene, except Varian is sitting on the floor in shock a distance away... After New Dream hug Eugene looks at him and Varian admits that “Ok, magic isn’t that bad”

5) Oh god the series! First off — Raps is closer with Varian in this (that’s becoming a theme...) so doesn’t just throw him out into the blizzard when he comes asking for help. Instead he and Eugene go back to Old Corona together after the storm, Varian isolates himself from guilt + has a tough time dealing with what happened, but he lives in the castle as Eugene starts getting angrier with the king and wants answers for what happened. He’s the one that finds Dark Kingdom stuff and he and Varian work on it together... Eugene has a suspicion he came from the Dark Kingdom so when the rocks start pointing there he’s like dope!

No villain Varian joins them on the trek to the Dark Kingdom + it’s all fun and games, Eugene tries to get more answers from Adira as they travel but she says it’s not her place to say... All he needs to know is the kingdom fell, and everyone was evacuated... She’s almost annoyed as she explains it, then Hector is treble annoyed when he finds out Eugene was raised by QUIRIN since that went against the direct orders... Though Adira defends it and says he was doing his duty of keeping Eugene safe, it’s basically a rift between them that’s confusing until they get to the DK and the revelation happens.

I feel... Moongene could be a thing in this AU? but since I’m running out of points I’ll leave it with Cass taking her canon role! I will point out! when Quirin is freed initially only Varian runs into his arms... Eugene hadn’t really spoken to Quirin properly since their movie fallout & he’s not sure he belongs... Until Quirin holds and arm out to him and pulls him into the hug too (PARALLLELS) and we get a happy reunited family (tho with some issues to work out regarding somethings... they need to rebuild trust, but work on it slowly. Edmund stays ‘Edmund’ to Eugene. He sees Quirin as his father & doesn’t push as much to reconnect with Edmund... Though that makes it easier in a way. There’s less pressure once Edmund understands and they form a friendship, but Quirin is Dad 100% (Sometimes Edmund gets called Dad 2))

[theclaravoyant]

Predictions for B99 season 7?

Sorry for taking so long to answer this! I was finishing a rewatch to refresh myself on Season 6 and forgot about it.... This is a mixture of predictions and hopes because I hope they don’t take the obvious path with a lot of things that might happen!

To be honest I am really curious to see what happens as there’s a few things happening at the end of S6 I’m not sure how they’ll resolve, like Holt’s new position. At first I was like “Terry should become Captain!” but he still has to pass his lieutenants exam so he’s not high enough ranked yet. Maybe that will come later when Holt becomes Lord High Commander of All Justice. 

Holt will probably be reinstated as Captain eventually - it’s happened several times before - but I kinda want them to do something else with it? Like, he goes straight to being Commissioner or something. It’s just happened so often we know new Captains never last. It would be cool to see a slight twist on it.

I’m almost certain Jake & Amy are going to have a baby. Personally I’m kinda bored of pregnancy storylines in general bc they seem to be so inevitable & escapable and I don’t particularly connect with or enjoy them so I struggle to get as on board/excited as some people do about it BUT they will be happy about it and I will be happy for them, and Jake is going to have an opportunity to be a great dad and I’m so proud of him bc he’s learnt a lot about responsibility etc over the seasons that will allow his fun dadding to also be functional dadding.

We’ll have a Halloween Heist but it won’t be on Halloween it’ll be some other holiday. I’ve heard some people floating Cinco de Mayo? I’ve absorbed a few bts bits and pieces but haven’t gone looking so I’m not sure how certain it is but I did see a tweet of the channel ‘forgetting’ when Halloween was. Maybe that means they’re going to do it on a different day (bc oops, they forgot).

I hope Rosa and Jocelyn stay together. They seem quite serious and had some solid talks last season about Rosa ditching her all the time for work and that sort of stuff. It’d be sad to see them put so much effort into something to end up ending it anyway, especially if it’s ended off screen/hand-waved like with Ashleigh(?) moving to London. However, I also like Steph’s idea of dating at least one man and one woman and it being shown/treated with equal seriousness/screen-time etc (eg. Pimento & Jocelyn) and then having a third partner after them which would live true to the multi gender attraction but still allow Rosa to end up with someone based on chemistry. Having her end up with a man (and subsequently being accused of not being queer enough etc) would reflect Steph’s own journey as well thus far so for that reason I would have some extra appreciation for that.

I’ve also heard some people say they want her to date a guy again because she’s ‘only dated girls since she’s come out’ but imo that’s not true; we don’t know the gender of everyone she’s dated since she’s come out there’s a few she’s been deliberately ambiguous on. However again I do see the point because historically rep-wise if bisexuality isn’t portrayed as some distant laughable phase it can get washed over to appear as though oh they’re lesbian now rather than bi. However, I think Rosa’s ongoing bisexuality can be reinforced in other ways though like checking guys out or remarking on their attractiveness, or talking other genders she has dated in the past or would never actually be able to date like celebrity crushes, or about other bi people, bi social events/spaces or friends, or bi stereotypes (eg promiscuity - what if she’s serious enough w Jocelyn to consider marriage? that could bring up issues with her parents, strangers, etc.), or talking to Holt about their differences in experience as homosexual/bisexual, rather than necessarily dating another guy. There’s a lot more creative scope for it that I feel gets overlooked.

(and not to be a mildly bitter enby but I also notice that nobody I have seen asking for her to date a guy again has brought up nonbinary people. In fact I haven’t ever heard anyone bring up nonbinary people in relation to Rosa’s bi rep or those people she specifically used they/them pronouns to talk about and didn’t reveal their gender when Boyle asked. Maybe Rosa should date a nonbinary person or talk about nonbinary people she’s dated in the past? this could also potentially lead to a discussion on the misnomer that bi ppl are trans/enby exclusionist by nature)

I am also intrigued to see Holt + the Commissioner position and how it will play out now that Wunch is Commissioner. On the one hand, it doesn’t make sense to ~come to terms~ with it etc a) he has genuine reasons to deserve and desire to have a position of power and b) when his worst enemy has like, the One Thing He Wants In Life -- but on the other hand, he’s got a comedically unhealthily desperate drive to be Commissioner which, while comedic, is still unhealthily desperate. On several occasions over the seasons he’s referred to it as stuff like, what defines him as a man and what tethers him to the earth etc etc. I think it would be good for him to find something else instead and/or it would be good writing to make him choose between the position and something else very important to him eg Kevin. He has been known for ditching Kevin in the past very frequently for police things (and has even admitted that he feels bad about this and that not getting the position made him regret it). Will we get to see Kevin’s reaction to this? Maybe Kevin is like ‘you know, you do ditch me a lot and i don’t love that.’ especially following the safehouse. but maybe he’s like ‘wtf are you talking about you’re the best police officer in the universe and you deserve everything’. Maybe a little bit of both? That whole ‘with the right people we can handle anything?’ KEVIN is the right people.  I do hope he gets the position, or equivalent emotional fulfilment eventually, I just think they could do more with the journey and especially the relationship.

So... those are some predictions/hopes of mine! If you want to discuss or share yours with me feel free to hit up my ask box

[dontcallmecarrie]

Natasha's judgment is so off for a spy. Could we get insight as to how they're thinking? I know you wrote a chapter but maybe some backstory or such to explain why she dislikes Tony on principle? Why she's so quick to insult Maria and choose Steve? Is she caught up in the goodness and honestly Steve seems to project? Does her judgment on his decisions become biased bc she's used to reading ppl who mean harm not ppl who unintentionally/subconsciously harm? Does Steve make her feel like she's good

I’ll see what I can do to clarify this in-story, because odds are you’re not the only one who’s seeing it. Hopefully, though, at least some of my reasoning showed through.

Under the cut, because cue meta and you guys know how much I ramble when I get going:

There’s several factors to it all:

First and foremost, there’s the unreliable narrator thing to consider. 

JARVIS, for instance, hasn’t trusted her since before she stabbed Tony in the neck, back in IM2. 

Add to that how he died trying to protect Tony [and at least managed to give a bit of a warning, when the Penthouse Incident happened], coming back online [with all the trauma that entails, even if he doesn’t quite show it], to see Natasha doing absolutely nothing while Tony was a flick of the wrist from a snapped neck, and you get a budding Skynet who harbors absolutely no goodwill towards Natasha Romanov [and it shows through in his POV, even if it’s hopefully subtle].

Tony’s slightly more chill, but he’s known that Natasha doesn’t like him, and after the disaster that was his sole attempt to reach out towards Bruce, well…once bitten, twice shy. 

Then, during the Penthouse Incident, he’s 50% on the defensive while the other 50% is in shock because JARVIS died and only Maria Hill even cared. [That he was being attacked was secondary, at that point.] So when someone’s attacking the only one who gives a damn about JARVIS, Tony’s not exactly feeling very charitable towards the woman who introduced herself as Natalie Rushman. 

…also, anyone notice the codependence going on between Tony and JARVIS? There’s a reason I’ve been warning for it.

As for my take on Natasha’s perspective: I did my best, and hopefully my dislike didn’t show [much]. 

Thing is, TWiFFON is a spitefic at heart.

I started it in reaction to the turn the fandom took when it comes to Tony Stark especially after Civil War, so I’m not going to be exactly very friendly towards Natasha [or anyone on Team Cap for that matter, if you guys haven’t already noticed]. 

And that leads me to the next point.

Fun fact: I actually like Natasha, for the most part. Her characterization throughout the entirety of the MCU’s been through the wringer, fluctuating from movie to movie, though, and I took advantage of that when I outlined this fic.

See, Phase1-and-pre-AoU!Natasha’s got a good head on her shoulders. Her, I like: she’s badass and loyal to people rather than institutions and ruthless enough to do what’s necessary to keep her people safe [gee doesn’t that sound familiar]. She’s outwitted Loki [even if he was under the influence of the Scepter at the time], and survived the Red Room, for crying out loud! [If you’ve read my fic idea Welcome to the Family, you know that’s the one I had in mind at the time of writing.]

…however, that’s not the Natasha we’ve seen recently.

Phase2-especially-post-AoU!Natasha didn’t think to call the genius who’s company she infiltrated during a time they could’ve really used his expertise, didn’t see the problem in letting the fugitives she’d been helping chase go, and didn’t think twice about attacking the Crown Prince of a monarchy that just lost its King. I know it’s probably just bad writing in general [where the hell did the Bruce/Natasha thing even come from? Or the wanting a kid thing?! Canon or not, that’s just…nope], but still.

She unironically tried to go “I’m not the one who should watch my back”, in Civil War, despite having painted a target on anyone she ever worked with [yes I’m still salty about it], so it really should be no surprise that this is the Natasha I have in mind when writing TWiFFON. [Not very nice, but like I said, spitefic.]

So, that’s a good chunk on my approach to Natasha, right there. The rest involves her backstory.

I’ve yet to read a comic, but via tumblr and Phase 1, I got the feeling that the Red Room isn’t exactly very kind. [No comment on Phase 2′s interpretation bc I hate AoU with a passion rivaled only by Civil War.] As such, I can extrapolate from there that Natasha’s had some hardcore training, and to be fair, she’s very good at what she does, and her confidence in her skills is mostly justified.

However, she’s been born and raised as a living weapon, a child soldier and spy: that skillset is not exactly conductive towards being an analyst, or tactician.

Infiltrate consulates and take out hit squads singlehandedly? Sure. Reading people for the short term so she can use that to her advantage? Absolutely. But what she gets up to later on in the MCU is nowhere in her job description [coughcough*analysisinIM2*cough]. She can make a decent facsimile of it, sure, but she just isn’t qualified to diagnose people [though I have a headcanon for that scenario that explains why, but that’s something for another post].

But she can read people very well, and since it’s worked thus far, Natasha doesn’t think twice about it. Due to the life she’s had, she doesn’t look back, which I completely understand because if she had she might’ve drowned in regret because I get the feeling the Red Room’s upbringing was nothing less than cutthroat. Those two things get a special mention because of how she’s introduced to Tony.

Now, let me backtrack a little: I’ve done some meta before on how good Tony is at masks, enough so that he’s fooling everyone even as he’s dying. He grew up in front of the cameras, and learned how to work them from a master of the art [his mom, in my AUs].

So, when a spy rocks up expecting a show, Tony puts it on, and Natasha buys it. I don’t doubt she twisted some things to suit the analysis at the end, of course, but between his public image and his masks, Natasha ends up falling in the same trap everyone else does.

Anyone who gets close to him knows it’s bull, but since Tony in TWiFFON is more guarded than ever before, and he’s not about to let Natasha in now.

As for Steve Rogers…Tony’s image is a general “everyone knows” thing; it’s subtle and low-key “oh what’s he done now? Another Fashion Week Fiasco?” Kardashian-style sort of thing, which is part of why Natasha fell for it. Steve’s image, on the other hand, was blatant propaganda since the start and only became more so over time […I wonder what the Second Red Scare would’ve looked like, in the MCU now, ngl], so for Natasha, with her Red Room upbringing, it’s pretty damn easy for her to tell. 

From when she first meets Steve, and later on down the road, it’s a no-brainer to look past the propaganda and notice the lonely man who’s adrift in a world that’s moved on without him. And from there, it’s very [almost scarily, for someone who’s very guarded when it comes to personal stuff] easy to make friends. 

Steve sees Natasha where others see the Black Widow, which isn’t something many people do [Phil and Clint’re the exception, not the norm], though, so it makes sense that she warms up to him so quickly. Plus he’s a good man, and given the life she’s had, Natasha can fully appreciate just how few of them there are in the world.

And since we’ve already established that Natasha’s fiercely protective of the few people she likes, it makes sense she’s just as fierce to attack if the situation ever arises.

During the Penthouse Incident, Natasha’s immediate take-away of the situation was: Tony’d fucked up somehow and needed to own up to it, meanwhile Maria Hill was on his payroll, defending him when he was in the wrong, and had a gun pointed in the general direction of the people she liked more than the people she didn’t. Of course Natasha was going to yell at her for it! 

And it wasn’t like Thor was going to hurt Tony or anything, his hand was obviously positioned in a way that was meant to be nonlethal and if he’d really wanted to kill Tony his grip would’ve been different.

After the fact, once Ultron’s made clear just what he is, she’s mildly apologetic about it. But since she didn’t really like Tony anyway and Maria Hill seemed to have forgotten about it, well, it wasn’t like it was anything major anyway, right?

...meanwhile, Maria’s very good at hiding her grudge and venting whenever she’s at one of the SWORD meet-ups while the others are patting her on the back while continuing to plan Phase 3 and checking out rich protocols, but that’s a story for another day.

Also: bear in mind that Natasha, in my AUs, has the Red Room’s version of the serum, so she forgets that not everyone’s as durable as she is. [that’s the only explanation for why I see her being so chill during That One Scene because the alternative’s incoherent internal screaming]

[c-you-on-the-otherside]

05/17/18

The past few weeks or so, I’ve been thinking a lot what my next move should be. What I find to be helpful in my life, is if I don’t like my current situation, I start looking for what’s next and what’s better.  This helps me to always keep moving forward, to always keep striving, and to keep me away from the negative thoughts of a current situation I dislike. So I’ve thought a lot lately about what’s after Hawaii, since I don’t particularly like it here. In my mind I had a few options. 

1.) I can really get shit done and focus on studying for my California Fluoro test so I can complete my California License and work in California as a traveler after this assignment.  2.) I could head back home to the east coast,be closer to all my awesome friends,  get an apartment in Boston with  someone I know, and use this time to settle into a good paying job in Boston while also going back to school for MRI. Part of this motive too would be so I am around resources and support groups that would allow me to begin my transition if I wanted to.  OR

3.) I could buy a house in Portland/Seattle, start a brand new life, work for Kaiser (because of their awesome health insurance benefits) and focus on being myself with possibility of establishing care and beginning my transition. 

Now all three options were very appealing to me. It’s almost as if, looking at them at face value, I wanted them all just as bad equally.  So I took a few days to break these down in my head and to really see what was going on in my mind.  I asked the universe for some guidance, and 2 days ago, I found myself watching a live video feed of one of my favorite trans guys I follow on instagram. This dude is awesome (palmer_fivevi) He is so real and he has a beautiful family: a beautiful girlfriend, and a beautiful daughter. And he is just spiritual, in everything he does, and everything he posts. I love following his journey. Because of him and his girlfriend, I got into Tarot, because I was intrigued by the way they live their lives, so beautiful and spiritually driven. Anyway, I’ve tried to message him a few times just asking for advice and trying to explain the point I was at in my life being pre-t, but it never got anywhere. He never responded to my messages and instead of taking offense to this, I just figured he is a man who leads his life effortlessly, and doesn’t have time to constantly respond to tons of messages he gets on the daily.  What I started doing though, is interacting with him and his family anytime they’d go on live chats, and I’d ask questions there and that way it actually ended up meaning more and being more intimate because they were personally answering my questions and I got to see their emotions. So 2 days ago, they went on live and I watched them for a good 40 minutes.  I asked a few questions about his life, like how they explain Emerson being trans to their daughter, and if he was already transitioned when he met Blue (his gf), how they met, and when Emerson started testosterone.  I remember a post where he explained that he started it later than most, and in his post he explained how this was his own personal preference and how he just wanted to be sure....how he followed the signs of the universe and did what he needed to do.  After this specific post is actually one of the times I tried reaching out, because I related to that a lot.  I think a lot of people are rushing into transitioning without actually thinking of all the factors, and I am not that person. It’s hard for me to relate with the trans guys who just jump in and do it, because I’m not that guy. I love my life in a very careful way, always turning the globe to look for different angles and perspectives and transitioning is absolutely no exception to how I live my life.  He never responded to that message, but I’ve always wanted to know his thought process a little more in depth. I’ve asked for my own guidance from the universe recently and Believe this was it’s answer. In the live chat, I asked him why he decided to transition so late and if he regretted it.  He responded saying that he’s been growing all his life, and he doesn’t regret one second of it. He wanted to be sure and so he took the time he needed to. I went on to say that I was pre-t and navigating this life of wanting to transition but not being sure. I told him I was 25 and felt like I was running out of time but how I also didn’t feel fully ready. Him and his gf came back with the most beautiful response. They told me that throughout life, we all transition. Every single point of your life is  transitional era, and regardless if you’re in a physical transition or not,everyone faces transitions. They told me to embrace the transition that’s happening now, because the pre-t phase is important mentally and is something to embrace and appreciate. They told me not to forget the small moments, like when someone first used he/him or used the name I have chosen for myself, and to absolutely not rush into it.  Everything they said was so beautifully worded and gave me the hope I needed and the tools I needed to find the answers I’ve been trying to find. I felt pulled to Boston bc I miss my friends and family and felt like I needed to start transitioning. But Boston will still be there, my friends and family will still be there, and transitioning can happen wherever I want it to and whenever I want it to. Theres no rush. This lead me to opening my eyes and seeing that I was trying to rush, and I was trying to become myself faster but the thing is I already am MYSELF. I already KNOW who I am, and if I have to live just a little longer in the wrong body, then I think I can manage because I’ve done just fine for 25 years. Putting my dreams on hold just to make a physical transition happen is kinda silly. I have plenty of years to look myself, but I won’t always get the chance to travel the way I am. So after that conversation, I quickly refocused my sights on California. I’ve set out to find this place for a long time and to end up there. I don’t know what my huge pull in towards that state, but something in my soul tells me that there is something great waiting for me out there, and I have to go out there and catch it. I’ve tried thinking about why I’ve also let so many distractions come in between me and seriously insane attraction to Cali, and all I can think of is that there is something great out there for me, something life changing, something that I wouldn’t have been ready for had I met it prematurely in the beginning of my travels. I’ve travelled for a year and I’m gearing up to settle down, so my next stop is Cali, and whatever that brings to the table, I think, will be something so special and exciting and I can’t wait to know what that is. After Cali, if I still want to settle in Portland/Seattle or Boston, than I totally can. This life isn’t a race and there is plenty of time to do all the things I want to do. For now, I need to focus on being my truest self that I can be, and continue doing the work I need to do to better myself and reach for the goals I’ve set out to accomplish. Life is truly a beautiful journey and I am so lucky to be living it...to have the opportunities I have, the ambition, the drive, and the never ending fight to keep on going. Keep on keeping on my friends. This life will test you and push you to your limits, but know that you’re the warrior in your own story. Stay strong.